Our hero

I admit to a guilty pleasure:  although I can barely tolerate Guy Fieri, his phony last name, his Insane Clown Posse haircut (the 80’s called and want their haircut back), and all his dullard, dumbass statements (“Welcome to flavortown,” “That right there is MONEY,” “Winner winner chicken dinner,” and so forth, ad nauseam), I in fact get a kick out of some of the joints he visits on The Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.   This does not make me a bad person.

Last November The New York Times panned his Times Square mega restaurant, Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar, in a wonderfully vicious review.  As did The New York Observer in an October, 2012 review; an excerpt:

But what makes Mr. Fieri truly reprehensible is that he’s exploited a mythology that appeals to the downtrodden to deliver unto them cholesterol and all its long-tail misery. By advocating an America in which the symbols of our salvation—manufacturing (embodied in those classic cars), rock ’n’ roll (the old guitars), and a return to the rough-hewn America of yore (the vintage flags, the faux taxidermy mounts)—becomes linked inseparably with a place in which pepperoni and mozzarella deserve to be rolled in panko breadcrumbs and deep-fried, where the quantity of sauce on a fry demands even more frying, where chicken alfredo has many thousands of calories, Guy Fieri is using patriotism as a Trojan Horse for his infectious and insidious garbage.

Given this as backdrop, some enterprising individual devised a fiendishly wonderful parody Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar menu; enjoy:

Click for larger image

Click for larger image

Thanks to Jason Kottke.

 

 

 

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