Lessons from Dad

Although my Dad passed away eighteen years ago, a day doesn’t go by without my thinking of him.

Dad was ill for virtually the last decade of his life, but memory has been much kinder than the disease which took him:  my most vivid remembrances are all from happier times.  …playing catch in the road outside our summer camp, helping him build a dock on the lake, watching with pride when he appeared on the local PBS station, him standing out in the cold to watch for cars as I sped down a hill and crossed the road on a toboggan, enduring his corny puns at the dinner table.

Although a PhD, a college professor, and Superintendent of Schools, he was utterly without airs.  By nature shy, he had developed the ability to relate to anyone, regardless of their social status or education.  He was as comfortable at a meeting of the volunteer fire department as he was in a college faculty room.  Although he was intensely proud of his heritage and family, he never acted with conceit or anything less than total compassion and generosity toward others, no matter what their circumstances.

There are a few things about Dad that I took for granted at the time, but which have stayed with me all my life…

I never – ever - heard a single prejudicial word about any race, religion or ethnic group from my parents.  Never.  My brother, sister and I grew up utterly without prejudice, and when we first encountered it, we were shocked.  There was no anger, no prejudice in Dad, – just generosity and kindness.  In fact, long before it was fashionable, this conservative educator was contributing to the political campaigns of African-American candidates because he believed in opportunity and fairness.

Although my Mom was the artist in the family, with a BFA in music and a flair for oil painting, my Dad had a love of language and popular songs.   He was constantly punning, I think half for the creative fun of it and half because he got a kick out of the groans it elicited.  Both my parents helped instill a love of language and wordplay in all three children.

One of the things I heard from Dad over and over was his belief that you could do anything you wanted to do, that we’re only limited by the limits we establish for ourselves.  His story,- beginning his professional life as a bookkeeper, but going back to school when he was a bit older to improve his life, receiving his undergraduate degree at the age of 26, his Masters at 28 and his PhD at the age of 43 – was a perfect illustration of this belief.   Too, he had a passion for excellence, often saying, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

He loved his family and took tremendous pride in the accomplishments of his children and grandchildren.  His zeal for learning and expanding the mind was palpable.  And his love of history and philosophy was frequently in evidence.  He made learning fun.

Having gone through the Great Depression, Dad was naturally frugal.  My brother, sister and I still joke about our parents buying us clothing that was a size too large so we could “grow into it.”  Sigh.  Not everything was a positive!  But I’m reminded of Dad’s frugality by the current recession and how many people are now – finally – cutting back on extravagances and extras.  He got a bunch of stuff right, it turns out.

Born in 1909, Dad struggled a bit with the cultural changes of the 60’s.  I was born when he was 41 and was a teenager in the 60’s (when he was in his late 50’s), and I definitely contributed my fair share to the graying of his hair.  I hope I didn’t cause him too much grief; I was a bit of a handful.

My father was the most generous, most humble, kindest person I’ve ever known.  If I can live my life in a way that’s just a faint echo of his wit, style and grace, I’ll have done well.

I miss you, Dad.